Why are you giving up?

Scroll down

I caught myself - Paramore

Why? Why are you giving up? Sure life can suck sometimes maybe all the time but why let it get to you like this? Your dreaming of ways to end it. Letting your blade dance upon your skin. Spending nights twisting and turning. Getting yourself all depressed. Why? Because you had a bad day? Because you had a bad childhood? Because you had a bad relationship? Because you had a bad life? Because your just depressed? Guess what your not alone. And no one is ever truely alone either. You say that no one understands but your not even giving them the time to. How could they if you just keep shoving them away? Life sucks. We all know that for a fact so stop making it seem as if its worse then it is. Were you beaten? Abused? Lied to? Cheated? Made fun of? The list of questions for your demons could go on. But why are you letting it get to you? Why are you giving up? Why are you being so hard on yourself? I know so many people who went through rough times and still are. But they haven't given up. Their fighting to kill their demons and move on. You keep saying that your all alone in this and that no one really cares. Well has it occuered to you that you don't notice them. Your too busy cursing at yourself to realize someone wants to help you. If you think I'm stupid and have no idea what I'm saying your dead wrong. Cause I care. I HATE when people think that no one cares about them and that their just a waste of space. The people who cry themselves to sleep, who sit alone, who are laughed at, who cut themselves. All of you I want to help and so many other people do too. I can't stand it when you say I don't understand. Well yeah your right I probably won't if you just ignore me. Just because i don't understand your problem doesn't mean I don't know what it's like. My grandmother is horrible. I mean it. She would beat my mother and is the reason my mom hates people and is so untrusting. My mom even gets like her sometimes. She would bring my mom down and say awful things to her every. single. day. She hated the fact my mom existed. She hated everything about her. She doesn't know what or how to love someone either. The only reaons she tells me she loves me is because she wants attention, prasie. She got so mad at me when I ignored her once. She would grab me and smother me and demand that I kiss her on the cheek. The look in her eyes always used to scare me. It still does. Her smile was fake and her words lies. She tried to make me hate my dad. But it failed because I love my dad more then anything. He's my hero. She could care less about that though. She told me my dad was sleeping around and that he didn't love me or my mom. She whispered to me so many lies I almost forgot the truth or what it was. Once when I was little she once was combing my hair and got angry because I had a knot she couldn't get out. She then began to pull and pull. I screamed in pain and then she smacked me. She called me a little shit and and then left me crying. That was when I saw her true colors. I began to slowly dislike her more as the years went by. Then one night I came home from a friend's late. I didn't mean to of course it just happened. That's when I heard her. 'Your a terrible mother! How could you let her stay out so late? She's probably sleeping with men or doing drugs or... Your horrible! Your so stupid too. Your a terrible mother and your worhtless-' That's when I stepped outside so I couldn't hear anymore. I couldn't help but hate myself for doing that to my mom. Her words played over and over in my head and that was it. I hated her. How dare she say MY mom was a horrible mother! My mom is and will always be better then her! I then went inside. My mom was holding back tears. That made me feel like a knife had went through me. I then looked at her. She had a smile on that twisted face. 'She's a great mom you know.' I said. 'Who me?' She said with a bigger smile. 'No, her.(I pointed at my mom) She is...more then you will ever know.' I left after that. My grandmother made me hate myself she told me things that would always haunt me. Plus some of the girls at my school weren't so nice either. They would make fun me every chance they got. I hated my life and then one day I grabbed a knife. All their words played in my head. And as I held the knife above my chest I remember one of my frineds saying 'see ya tomorrow.' Then I remembered more. I remembered the good times in my life. I then realized how dumb I was being. I would never see the one's I love again. I couldn't even bear the thought. If I ended it they would've won. I couldn't let them win. I couldn't give up. So I didn't. Which is why you shouldn't. No matter what your going through. Things got better in my life and in other people I know's lives. So why can't your life get better? I'll tell you why because your letting what they say and your past get to you. Your not coming to terms with it. Your giving up slowly and letting them win. If you keep fighting you'll win. You really will. You just have to come to terms with your demons and with yourself. I know harder then it sounds. But don't worry cause someone does care and wants to help so why give up? Your not in this alone. I promise. =]